My gut says that this post should be filed under, Holy Spirit on the move. I will not try to put you to sleep with too many details. The short story is this:
In February 2010 my mom passed away suddenly. It was a very painful time for me. I don’t know many people my age who have had their mom pass away. At the beginning of June my biological father passed away too. I had not seen him face to face since I was 8. Because of both parents idiosyncratic behaviours, I was separated from knowing and having a relationship with 3 of my siblings for more than 2 decades.
Our reunion was a few years before our father passed away. It never included “the father” as Terri liked to refer to him. When the imminence of his death became apparent, I encouraged my siblings to go quickly if they wanted to see him alive again. I had no real need or feeling to. I had spent many years attempting to bridge the gap between my father and I. It never happened. After several years of writing to him, I received one letter. It basically said go away. I was crushed, but I did. I eventually grew from situation. As I did, my feelings of loss and grief were acknowledged, felt, and expressed. For me, it was as if he had already died long ago. When, a few years before his death, my bio-dad called looking for “absolution”, I told him that I couldn’t give him that. He never once said, “I’m sorry” or, “I apologize.” It was a demand and an expectation to meet his needs. I don’t regret telling him goodbye or hanging up the phone. Sometimes people want those dramatic reconciliations. I can assure you from experience, those are mostly fantasy.
Right, back to “The Father’s” death. Terri and Gary rushed to Kentucky. I stayed back until after he had passed away. I arrived the day after he had passed away. I went with some idealistic notion of being a supportive brother. What happened could not have been further from the ideal. Still grieving the loss of my mom, it didn’t go well for me. For my siblings, grieving the loss of their father, it didn’t go well for them. It quickly spun out in misunderstanding and me, leaving Kentucky. From June 2010 to August 2012 there was no communication between us.
Soon after I began attending Mass, I wrote to both of them in an attempt at some sort of reconciliation. Terri responded quickly. It took Gary a little while but he responded as well. We actually saw each other face to face this last Saturday. It was a good start. I try not to place unrealistic expectations on our dynamic. We are bound by blood that was very cruel and abusive. Its kinda of a day by day thing. I will probably spend a day in Waco for Thanksgiving. They will spend a day up here for Christmas. It is definitely a good start.
I think for me it can and will work better for me by staying grounded in The Church, the bible, and being attentive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I cannot say what our relationship can, or will be. I can however shape how I want to be and who I want to become. I think the option of more “Christ-like”, is always the best option.