I love a great mystery. I have always been an avid reader. Agatha Christie, Lillian Jackson Braun, Tony Hillerman, Robert Parker, are all master storytellers. I have devoured many of their novels. So, from a very earlier age I was taught that a mystery is meant to be solved. In becoming a Catholic, I am learning that not all mysteries have an answer. I’m learning that by just pondering, studying, and sometimes just sitting, with a mystery can be life altering. Tonight in class we began to study the doctrine of the Trinity. It is very interesting to study. Though implicitly implied in scripture, it isn’t stated directly. It has been understood through reason by revelation. Layman’s terms there isn’t a scripture that says, “This is the Trinity. Here ya go.” It is alluded to in the Old Testament. It’s interesting to see things hidden in the OT, that later come to fulfillment in the New Testament. There are many Mysteries. To grasp the concept that God has three persons, Himself, His Son, and the Holy Spirit can be a little daunting. It cannot be rationalized. To consider that all three persons are of the same essence, are still three distinct presences, compliment each other fully, kind of makes my head want to do an impression from the movie, “Scanners.”
I have many friends that embrace atheism to circumvent trying to understand these things. I can’t say that I blame them. I would do the same if I were able. I am not.
More baffling than anything I wrote about so far is, how God sees me. Hence the photo of the flower. As much as I love mystery, I also love metaphors. God created man to worship Him. (Little struggle.) God loves us. (Bigger struggle.) God sees me as more beautiful than a flower. (WTH?!?!) Do I accept that out right today? No. Not because I think the Church is wrong, but for other reasons. I base it on how I see me. The metaphor went on to describe “us”, the flowers, as a bouquet presented by Christ to God. Ok. I’ll be the withered thorny little bastard that’s pushed down a bit so you can’t see the dead leaves. I don’t say any of this to be pessimistic. I’m actually not. I’m just acknowledging my thoughts and feelings as new ideas and ways to think are presented to me. It is a challenge that I am willing to undertake. I pray daily for understanding. The thought of understanding how God sees me conjures an image of me hiding under the covers.
I am a work in progress.