and thinking….

and thinking…

It really isn’t always a good thing for me to do.  It leads to worry and fear.  I get easily caught in a circle of doubt, worry, and fear.  It is the chief culprit of squandered time for me. Sometimes it is over big life decisions.  At other moments it is often petty resentments that I succumb to replaying in my head.  Some days it is both in cooperation with each, those are the hardest.   Those are darker days for sure.  I simply cannot shut it down.

Then the irony sets it…

Presented with the perfect solution that is always available, I balk.  That solution of course is Christ.

Do I pray?  No

Do I read the bible?  No

Do I call, email, or talk to someone?  No

Do I go to Sacred Adoration?  No

Do I go to a daily Mass?  No

I keep myself isolated sometimes.  Can you tell?  I’m not the most disciplined person I know either.  I’ve always wanted a more disciplined life.  It has proved rather elusive.

Do I dare pray for discipline?  There is that irrational side to me that thinks, “Oh, but what will I lose if I do that?”  Silly, I know.  If being undisciplined is not fruitful, why not embrace the willingness to become more disciplined?